Jasmine Hart

Hi. Welcome to YWS! Your imagery is really lovely and the freshness of the first line drew me in. I'd change; "with romance in the air so thick that you ...

"The Smell of Victory. “Smell that boys? Now that is the smell of victory.” The Sergeant and his four remaining soldiers [s]all [/s]inhaled deeply. “Gas,” Samuel said, raising an arm ...

Woah. This made my breath catch in my chest. A lot of good points have been made, and I'll try not to repeat them. I'd change "guzzle" to "gulp" as ...

Sucky? Are you joking? This is brilliant! I love the detail, and the flow is great. I especially like; "And I remember wondering why I wanted to be like the ...

This is really beautiful, and the flow is very good. I'd change "today" to "tonight", as it makes more sense, and would sound better, I think. I love; "You are ...

This is lovely. You channeled your emotions well, and the flow is very good. I'd change: "When I saw you I got butterflies When I wasn't around you I felt ...

The flow here is very good, but, as has been said, punctuation would be good. If you're unsure as to how to go about this, try saying it aloud, and ...

I like what you're saying here, and you express yourself well. I think some of your rhythm is a bit off, and this disrupts the flow of the poem. Try ...

Lovely, Kit. The flow was beautiful, and I loved the little snippet of dialogue. It really instilled it with life. Sometimes your rhyming made your phrasing a bit odd e.g; ...

I like your use of enjambment, I think it worked really well with your theme. I'd cut the comma between "door" and "hand." Maybe try "Led by a hand through ...

Hekate made some good points. I'll try not to repeat her. I'd cut the third and fourth lines of the first stanza and find something new to say as the ...

Some good points have been made, and I apologise in advance for reiterating what's already been said; Firstly, I'd omit the spaces, and change your font to regular, as it's ...

I like the approach you've taken, and your rhyme is very good. I think some of yoru rhythm is a little off though. Maybe try reading it aloud so that ...

This was lovely. You channeled your emotion well, and the snippet of dialogue helped bring it to life. The rhythm is good and yoru enjambment is perfect.I really love; "The ...

Lovely, gummy. I'd put full stops at the ends of stanzas one and two. I love; "taste roses that Melt like sugar in my mouth And your kisses Were never ...